It’s Not About You
I’ve caught myself many times, worrying about how I’ll come across, whether I’ll stumble over my words or say something wrong. It’s so easy to make it about me - about my performance, my image, my fear of judgment.
But then, I started to realise: it’s not about me.
Someone once said to me:
"The thing is, being in your own head can be pretty selfish too. Don’t make it about yourself - consider the value you add when you do speak up."
That hit hard. When we spend so much time worrying about ourselves, we forget the impact our words can have on others. We forget that speaking up is about offering something that could help, contribute, or shift someone else’s perspective. It’s not about getting it perfect; it’s about showing up and sharing what you have.
So, how do you move past the nerves?
Acknowledge what’s happening.
Nerves aren’t a problem. They’re simply a sign that you care. When you can recognise that your stage fright is a reflection of the importance you’re placing on the message, you can shift the focus from yourself to the value of what you're sharing.
Make it about the message, not you.
We often get caught up in how we’ll be perceived - how we’ll sound, whether we’ll mess up. But the truth is, it’s not about us. It’s about the people who need to hear it, the message that could make a difference. It’s about contributing. When you stop making it about yourself and focus on the value you’re offering, the pressure starts to ease.
Speak the way you lead.
You don’t script your everyday leadership conversations, so why overcomplicate things in these moments? Trust that your knowledge, experience, and ability to connect with people will carry you through. Preparation is important, but don’t let it drown out the natural way you show up every day.
A Couple of Things to Try
Pause before you speak.
Taking a moment to breathe not only helps slow your thoughts but also allows you to ground yourself in the present. It’s a simple way to project calm and confidence.
Use a ‘conversation anchor.’
If the nerves are overwhelming, start with something familiar - whether it’s a story, a question, or a reference to something already discussed. This helps you ease into the conversation and brings the focus back to the exchange, not your performance.
When we hold back, we deny others the opportunity to hear something that could help them, inspire them, or shift their perspective. The truth is, staying silent is not about protecting ourselves - it’s about missing the chance to serve.
So, next time those nerves hit, take a breath, remember why you’re there, and speak with the intention of giving, not performing. Because when you step into your truth and let go of the fear, that’s when your message can truly make an impact.
Photo by israel palacio on Unsplash
