Confidence says, ‘This is who we are.’ Arrogance says, ‘And if you don’t like it, you’re wrong.’
There's a coffee shop at the end of our road. They only serve coffee - no tea, no exceptions.
Now, if you know me, you know that I’m a serious tea drinker. I easily drink 10 cups a day, and anyone who knows me can vouch for that. So, when I saw that this coffee shop refuses to serve tea, my first thought was, “How can you call yourself a coffee shop and not offer tea?”
But as much as it annoys me, there’s something about their confidence that I admire. They’ve carved out a clear identity for themselves. "We are a coffee shop, and this is what we serve." It’s bold. It’s unapologetic.
It reminds me of a famous pub landlord in Chelsea back in the day. He was notorious for not serving water. When people asked, he’d chuckle and say, "Water is for bloody fish.”
He was confident in his rules, too - but there was something that felt off about it, almost like a sense of superiority.
Now, let’s bring it back to this coffee shop. It’s not just the lack of tea that stands out. They have signs by every table:
House Rules
NO LAPTOPS - THIS IS NOT YOUR OFFICE. You’re very welcome to sit and enjoy the ambience with a book, though. Or maybe sit in silence with your coffee and think about the work you should be doing on your laptop, in your office. Make a list. Set a reminder. You'll be fine, but you wont be fine, will you? Because in the end, nothing works out.
I get boundaries, I do. But there’s something about the tone here that crosses the line between confident and condescending.
That’s the difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is clear, direct, and welcoming. Arrogance feels dismissive and judgmental. It’s one thing to say, “Here’s who we are, and here’s what we offer.” It’s quite another to imply that people who don’t follow your rules are somehow lesser or wrong.
Confidence feels inclusive; it’s about clarity. Arrogance feels dismissive; it’s about judgment.
To make this even clearer, let’s break it down with a simple image:
Confidence: Imagine standing tall, with your feet firmly planted on the ground, your posture open. You’re rooted in who you are, and you welcome others to stand with you. There’s a sense of stability and calm, as if you know your value without needing to prove it. You’re at ease with others, and their presence doesn’t threaten you.
Arrogance: Now picture standing on a pedestal, high above others. You look down at everyone below, silently saying, “You’re not on my level.” There’s a sense of distance, even isolation. You may be taller, but you’re not truly connected to those around you. It’s not about being secure - it’s about trying to elevate yourself by pushing others down.
Next time you're in a conversation or situation, pause and ask yourself: Am I standing with others, sharing space and connecting, or am I placing myself above them, trying to prove something?
I still go to that coffee shop sometimes. The pasties are excellent. But I sit there in silence, wondering if I should feel guilty for not having a book, resisting the urge to check my phone, and quietly questioning whether, in the end, nothing really works out.
